Why Don’t You Publish Your E-mail Address?
21 Dec 2002
How the years fly by. Years ago I started typing on a manual typewriter, then graduated to an electric one. Eventually I was shoved, kicking and screaming, to a word processor. Again reluctant, I accepted a more sophisticated computer with more bells and whistles than I would ever need. And unless you’re a teenager, many of you know it isn’t easy learning all the gizmos that go along with it. Some days I would have gladly shot the beast. Now I’m reasonably computerized and so are many others. That’s why more and more letters from readers ask me, "Why don’t you put your E-mail address at the end of your column?"
The short answer is "fear". One week a newspaper in Quebec inadvertently published my E-mail address. That weekend I received over 300 messages!
I know what would have happened if this address had been published by all the newspapers that carry the column. My wife would have left me. My patients would be without a doctor. And I might have needed to join AA.
Recently with qualms I decided to take a chance and published my E-mail address. And who was it that said, "If something can go wrong it will"? This is exactly what happened.
I thought I’d keep it simple and omit the hyphen in my pen name, Gifford-Jones. Instead the E-mail address would be giffordjones@sympatico.ca I’ll bet you know the rest. Somehow the hyphen appeared anyway and I received telephone calls from more people than I care to mention. Not the best way to end 2002! My apologies to any of you who wanted to shoot your computer.
Actually it’s been a good year. I’m lucky this year that not so many readers wanted to hang me. But human psychology continues to be a fascinating study. Now and then, after giving my views on a controversial subject I receive this kind of letter:
"I’ve enjoyed your column for 25 years and usually agree with what you say. But your views on ——– are so awful that I’m never going to read you again!"
Fortunately not too many of these land in my mailbox, but it would be disastrous if no one ever disagreed with me.
One column this past year provided a lot of laughs. It was the one about the Thoorupgaarden nursing home in Copenhagen, Denmark.
Danes in their infinite wisdom decided that sex for seniors was better than Prozac. So every Saturday night pornographic videos are shown on the home’s internal TV channel. If resident seniors are still not relaxed, they can request a visit by a prostitute.
I received a ton of mail from readers and some from editors. One editor remarked, "A few of our staffers have stated an interest in getting one of these rooms. So far, only one of our readers was not impressed. Here at the newspaper we all took it the way it was intended and it certainly livened up a rather dull Monday morning."
A man from Vancouver wrote, " By the time I’m 80 I’m sure that Saturday nights are going to be dull, dull. And I agree that when my time comes I’d rather end it with a Lady-of-The-Night than fall off my rocking chair. How do I reserve a room?"
From Halifax, "Thank you, for reminding everyone that seniors of both sexes have more on their minds than playing bingo on Saturday nights. That seniors don’t stop thinking about sex at 70 or whatever age. And that if you do harbour sexual thoughts you should not be labeled a pervert."
A few letters from readers scolded me for being improper. But the great majority who have been reading me for years realized I was having fun as usual, and that Hey! Thorupgaarden isn’t such a bad idea. From the positive response it appears some of us will be meeting there!
My column denouncing sugar-laden drinks in school vending machines brought at least one happy ending. The Principal and parents at St Paul’s Catholic School in Norwood, Ontario, agreed to have alternate drinks in the vending machine. My congratulations to St. Pauls.
All the best for 2003 and remember to omit the hyphen in my E-mail address.
