Rx for Terrible Loneliness
14 Dec 2024
The Christmas season is one of the joyful times of the year. The homecomings, parties, and sentiments we are still lucky to be a part of this messy, troubled world. But we also know those who have lost loved ones and are now alone. For all the people we are packing onto a smaller and smaller planet, it’s noteworthy that loneliness is becoming a greater problem. And not just for solitary seniors. People in nearly every age group and every location are reporting more loneliness.
One would hope, for example, that happily married people are not lonely. Fortunately, it remains a minority of married people who are not happy. But loneliness is creeping into more and more marriages. The statistics vary. One study found 30 percent of married people reported being lonely. Another study found that being lonely in a marriage is more intense than being single and feeling alone.
What can be done to improve the situation for married people? One 8-year study of 1,400 couples in their fifties through seventies zeroed in on the women in the relationship. It is the wives, the researchers observed, who set the emotional tone for the marriage.
“In other words,” it was reported, “the husband depends on the wife to create and maintain the external social relationships of the marriage. If she has many friends, he’ll likely be friends with their husbands. But if she’s socially isolated, he will be too.”
Sad, but true? Surely the advent of so much technology has helped get past any emotional shortcomings of people failing to make personal connections.
But here too, the news isn’t so rosy.
Laurie Marciano, a Harvard researcher, recently studied how technology, even the social media that is designed to bring people together, is driving some into greater isolation.
Using Instagram to question 500 students, Marciano checked on their personal interactions three times a day. Each time she discovered that 50 percent had not spoken to anyone in the last hour.
But remember, social loneliness is nothing new. It has been with us for centuries. The great pianist, Chopin, lamented “I’m alone, alone, alone.” But at this time of the year, it does reach epidemic proportions. And it can be particularly acute in some households, such as when tragedy strikes suddenly.
We all must ask this question. What can we do to inject more happiness in our society? What can we do for isolated elders? For our neighbours? For our children? How can we add more joy among friends during this holiday season?
It’s said that the voyage of a thousand miles begins at the first step. So here is a suggestion. Forget about emails, texting, and all other social media. Holiday cards are nice, but not enough. Among those who are able, generous donations to food banks and other charities make a good start towards sharing the holiday spirit. But unless you are positioned with a duty to do so, don’t dwell on the big problems of the world.
Pick up the telephone and call a someone whom you know is alone. Think about the person who has suffered bad luck this past year and make it a point to reach out to say hello. Teach your children do the same – not with their Instagram accounts, but with their voices.
What’s better, arrange to share a meal together. Experts in loneliness attest that even one social interaction alleviates the problem, and it is the quality of the interaction that determines its effectiveness. On this ancient tradition too, we need to teach our children.
